Rescuing Women Hurt by Their Besties
When I was young, I really used to value "besties" a lot.
Back in my student days, I had so many female friends around me. We ate together, shopped, traveled, took photos, talked about love, and gossiped. Back then I always felt that as long as we had laughed, cried, and gone wild together, we would be sisters for life.
If someone treated me to a meal, I was touched.
If someone gave me a gift, I was happy.
If someone chatted with me every day, I thought, "She must really see me as a sister."
But after going through some things, I slowly realized—
You cannot judge whether someone is good to you just by how many meals they bought you or how many gifts they gave.
Because what happens in front of people and behind their backs are two different worlds.
The person hugging you today and calling you sister might complain about your flaws to someone else tomorrow. The person praising your beauty today may have secretly compared herself to you.
Of course, I am no saint either.
I have felt competitive, jealous, upset, and angry, and even cried bitterly over changes in a friendship.
I used to wonder:
"We used to be so close, so why did it end up like this?"
Later I understood that people change.
Friendship changes too.
Some sisters truly love you; some just enjoy the excitement. Some like what you can give them. Others once loved you sincerely but later found that their lives, interests, values, and personalities no longer aligned.
So now I do not want to label everyone who left as a bad person.
But I will never again foolishly believe that anyone who is warm to me must be sincere.
Society does have a very realistic side.
When you have money, there may be many dinner invitations. When you are beautiful, successful, and well-connected, people gather around you easily.
But what happens when you fall?
When you have no money, no fame, are no longer pretty or successful, and have nothing to offer others, how many people will still sit beside you?
At that moment I remembered something simple.
A bestie treating me to a few meals—I might remember it for years.
But the person who cooked for me for decades?
That was my parents.
A bestie giving me a gift—I might post about how touched I was.
But the things my parents gave me—did I forget to say thank you because I was too used to them?
We easily magnify a friend’s small kindness, yet often take our family’s long-term efforts for granted.
When we are young, we think the outside world is most exciting and friends understand us best.
Only after going full circle do we realize:
You do not rely on those besties for food or clothes.
Some people can leave your life and you will still be fine.
But parents grow old.
One day, the bowl of rice that used to sit on the table every day may no longer be cooked for you.
Thinking about this, I finally woke up.
So now, all I have to say about friendship is:
A gentleman’s friendship is as light as water; a small-minded person’s is as sweet as honey.
True sisters do not have to stick together every day.
She may not praise you daily, may not treat you to meals every time, and may not give you expensive gifts.
But when you succeed, she does not need to step on you;
when you look beautiful, she does not need to envy you;
when you are in love, she does not need to compete;
and when you are down, she will not rush to distance herself.
More importantly—
A true sister knows your secrets but will not use them as weapons after a fallout.
A true sister can argue with you but will not tear open your deepest wounds in front of everyone just to win.
And a truly mature person should do the same.
When friendship can no longer continue, let it stop here.
Leave some room; do not burn every bridge.
No need to spread rumors about each other, no need to monitor each other’s social media every day, no need to compare who is doing better, and certainly no need to expose every secret you once knew.
Because hurting others will not prove you are happier.
Some people are not suited to be sisters—step back to ordinary friends.
If you cannot even be ordinary friends, become strangers in each other’s lives.
No need for revenge or stirring up trouble.
I finally understand:
Where there is sunlight, there will always be shadow.
There is no one who is one hundred percent perfect, nor any relationship that will never change.
So do not put your entire self, without reservation, into any friendship.
Love your friends, but keep yourself.
Trust others, but set boundaries.
Cherish your sisters, but do not forget your family for them.
Losing a friendship can hurt, but do not lose yourself.
If you have also been hurt by besties, I want to tell you:
Do not rush to prove who the bad woman is, and do not force yourself to forgive everyone.
What you truly need to rescue is not that broken sisterhood.
It is the you who once cried over a friendship until you stopped believing in yourself, doubted yourself, and felt the whole world had betrayed you.
Rescue her.
Work hard, earn money, eat well, and live well.
Take time to accompany the two people who used to cook for you every day and who are now growing older day by day.
Friends come and go; life is full of gatherings and partings.
Cherish those who stay;
for those who leave, offer blessings or silence.
Stopping mutual harm is the final dignity.
True clarity is not refusing to believe in sisters ever again, but finally knowing who is worth deep friendship, who is only for nodding acquaintance, and who belongs in the past.
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Ten "Who Really Counts as a Good Sister?" Pros and Cons Debates
1. Will good sisters feel jealous of you?
Pro: A true sister should be happy when she sees you become prettier, earn money, or find a good relationship.
Con: Everyone has a competitive side; occasional jealousy does not mean she is not a real friend.
Conclusion: Jealousy is normal, but using it to suppress, spread rumors, or sabotage you is the real problem.
2. Should good sisters say whatever is on their mind?
Pro: Real friends dare to point out your problems instead of only saying nice things.
Con: Humiliating you under the guise of "I’m doing this for your own good" can also be hurtful.
Conclusion: The difference between honesty and malice lies in whether there is respect.
3. Are sisters who have argued still good sisters?
Pro: Truly deep friendships may naturally go through arguments.
Con: If every argument involves dredging up old issues, humiliation, threats, or revenge, even the deepest bond will be worn down.
Conclusion: Arguments are not scary; unwillingness to repair is.
4. Is it okay to compare between sisters?
Pro: Healthy competition can help both improve.
Con: If everything must be compared—looks, men, income, work, followers, luxury brands—friendship can easily turn into a battlefield.
Conclusion: Appreciate each other’s differences; you do not need to win to prove yourself.
5. Do good sisters have to stay in touch every day?
Pro: Frequent contact shows mutual care.
Con: Truly mature friendships remain comfortable even after long periods apart.
Conclusion: Contact frequency is not the only measure of friendship quality.
6. When a friend has money and treats you, does that mean she is good to you?
Pro: Willingness to spend money is also a form of sincerity.
Con: Someone who buys you an expensive meal is not necessarily more genuine than someone who stays with you during your low points.
Conclusion: Do not measure relationships only by money.
7. If a sister steals your man, can you still forgive her?
Pro: No one owns feelings; adults make their own choices.
Con: Deliberately getting involved while knowing your relationship status reflects issues of boundaries and integrity.
Conclusion: The key is not just the man, but whether she respects your boundaries.
8. After a fallout, who is worse for exposing each other’s secrets?
Pro: If she hurt me first, revealing the truth is just self-defense.
Con: Secrets known because of past trust should not become weapons after a fallout.
Conclusion: When a relationship ends, you can leave, but you do not have to destroy each other.
9. Does having more friends mean better popularity?
Pro: Many friends may indicate good social skills and wide connections.
Con: Knowing seventy people does not mean seventy people would stay with you at your lowest point.
Conclusion: The quantity of friends and the depth of friendship are two completely different things.
10. Does a fallout between besties mean the entire friendship was fake?
Pro: If the hurt runs so deep at the end, it may never have been sincere to begin with.
Con: A relationship turning sour later does not mean all the past happiness was fake. People change, and so do relationships.
Conclusion: Admitting "We used to be close, but now we are no longer compatible" is sometimes more mature than denying an entire chapter of youth.
Ten Ways to Move On After Being Hurt by Besties
1. Stop repeatedly checking her updates.
Constantly seeing how well she is doing, who she is hanging out with, or whether she is subtly shading you will only reopen the wound every day.
2. Allow yourself to admit: I am really hurting.
Losing a friendship is also a kind of heartbreak. Sometimes losing a ten-year friend hurts even more than a romantic breakup.
3. Do not rush to prove who won or lost.
You can be doing well without needing her to be doing badly.
4. Stop the information war in mutual friend circles.
"Has she said anything about me lately?" "Who did she go out with?" This kind of information often only prolongs the pain.
5. Keep the secrets where they belong—before the relationship ended.
Because you were once sisters, you knew each other’s most embarrassing matters. Not using those secrets to attack each other after parting is a matter of dignity for yourself.
6. Re-examine your own friendship boundaries.
Instead of only asking "Why did she hurt me?" also ask: "What red flags should I no longer ignore in the next friendship?"
7. Reallocate your time to the people who truly matter.
Family, truly reliable friends, and most importantly—yourself. Do not neglect those who are still by your side just because you lost one person.
8. Accept that some friendships have an expiration date.
People who were inseparable in school may have completely different values ten years later. This does not necessarily require anyone to be the villain.
9. Do not let one betrayal turn into distrust of everyone.
Meeting plastic sisters does not mean real friendship does not exist in the world. Learning to filter is more important than shutting yourself off.
10. The final letting go is no longer needing her apology.
One day you may still not receive that "I’m sorry," and she may even think you were the one at fault. But truly moving on means your life no longer depends on her admitting she was wrong.
I think this post could end with a line that fits the "野口小波" style:
"You can have many sisters, but you do not need many confidantes. The laughter we once shared was real, and the disappointment we later felt was also real. Not everyone who leaves you is a bad person, and not everyone who stays is sincere. A truly mature friendship is not about never arguing, but about not needing to step on each other’s wounds to prove you won."