Chapter Four　The World of Fifteen

Monday morning, 7:40.

Chen Ting-hsuan rushed through the school gate in the last few minutes before class.

「Excuse me, excuse me——」

With half a piece of toast in her mouth, one hand clutching her bag, the other still replying to messages on her phone.

The security guard behind her couldn’t help but shout:

「Student! Don’t use your phone while walking!」

Ting-hsuan raised her hand without turning her head.

「Got it——」

Clearly had no intention of changing.

She dashed up to the third floor. Just as she entered the classroom, Lin Chih-ching, sitting in the last row, immediately turned around.

「Chen Ting-hsuan!」

Ting-hsuan flung her bag onto the chair.

「What?」

Chih-ching lowered her voice, looking mysterious.

「Do you know what happened yesterday?」

Ting-hsuan hadn’t even sat down properly, but her eyes lit up.

「Who and who?」

「How did you know I was going to talk about that?」

「Your face only looks like that when someone broke up or someone confessed.」

Chih-ching couldn’t help but laugh.

「Damn, you’re right.」

She quickly pulled her chair closer.

「Tsai Cheng-en from Class 2 confessed to Hsu Yen-hsi yesterday.」

「Really?」

Ting-hsuan snapped awake in a second.

「Wasn’t he rumored to like the senior from Class 3?」

「That’s what makes it exciting!」

The two girls immediately huddled together.

And so, the fifteen-year-old morning officially began with someone else’s relationship gossip.

For Ting-hsuan, school and home were two completely different worlds.

At home, she was Chen Tzu-tung and Chang Yi-chia’s daughter.

The one her dad always asked, 「Did you finish your homework?」「What time are you coming back?」「Stop staring at your phone.」

The kid her mom described as 「Let her figure out adolescence on her own.」

But the moment she stepped into the classroom, she was Chen Ting-hsuan.

She had her own friends, her own slang, her own secrets, and an entire social order her parents could never understand.

Who dumped whom yesterday.

Whose story was visible only to close friends.

Who secretly deleted their couple photos.

Who said 「It’s nothing」 but wrote song lyrics on a sticky note at 2 a.m.

These things probably seemed unbearably boring to adults.

But in the world of fifteen, they all mattered.

Very much.

---

First period was math.

Ting-hsuan rested her chin on her hand, staring at the dense formulas on the board.

By the third problem, her soul had already left the classroom.

Lin Chih-ching secretly slid a note over from the side.

It only said:

「Chou Po-jui was just looking at you.」

Ting-hsuan’s eyebrows twitched.

She quickly wrote back with her pen.

「Are you sick?」

The note came back.

「Really.」

Ting-hsuan couldn’t help glancing toward the back right.

Two rows away, Chou Po-jui was still writing problems with his head down.

The boy was tall, always wore a neat uniform, and usually rolled his sleeves up a little.

He wasn’t the loudest in class, nor the most popular type.

Actually kind of quiet.

Good grades, good at basketball.

The biggest problem was——

Too normal.

So normal that the girls in class ended up noticing him easily.

Ting-hsuan was about to look away when Chou Po-jui suddenly looked up.

Their eyes met.

Ting-hsuan immediately turned back.

Her heart skipped a beat for no reason.

「Chen Ting-hsuan.」

The math teacher’s voice suddenly came from the podium.

She jolted.

「Here!」

The whole class burst out laughing.

The teacher held a piece of chalk, half-smiling at her.

「Since you’re so energetic, come up and solve the third problem.」

Ting-hsuan froze.

Lin Chih-ching lowered her head, shoulders shaking like she was about to cramp.

Ting-hsuan glared at her.

Done for.

She had no idea where the teacher had left off.

---

The bell rang.

Before Ting-hsuan even got back to her seat, Chih-ching was already laughing with her head on the desk.

「Your face just now was hilarious.」

「Shut up.」

Ting-hsuan smacked her with the math textbook.

「It’s all your fault.」

「You were the one peeking at him.」

「I was not!」

「You’re blushing.」

「Lin Chih-ching!」

The two girls chased each other around, fighting and laughing.

Chou Po-jui happened to walk past.

「Hey.」

Ting-hsuan stopped instantly.

「What?」

The boy placed a notebook on her desk.

「You didn’t copy the third problem earlier, right?」

Ting-hsuan looked down.

It was his math notebook.

The handwriting was neat.

Almost annoyingly neat.

「……Oh.」

She picked it up.

「Thanks.」

Chou Po-jui nodded.

「Just return it before school ends.」

Then he left.

Lin Chih-ching stood beside her, mouth slowly opening wide.

Ting-hsuan didn’t even need to turn to know what she was about to say.

「If you say anything, I’ll kill you.」

Chih-ching immediately shut her mouth.

Two seconds later.

「But——」

「Lin, Chih, ching.」

「Fine!」

She held back her laughter and sat back down.

Ting-hsuan lowered her head and flipped through the notebook.

It was just a few pages of math formulas.

But for some reason, she read it especially slowly.

---

At noon, four girls carried their lunch boxes to the corridor window.

Some ate the school’s nutritious lunch, some bought convenience store rice balls.

While unwrapping her chicken cutlet, Lin Chih-ching asked:

「Hey, Ting-hsuan, do your parents really commute together every day?」

「Yeah.」

「That’s crazy.」

Another girl beside her said enviously:

「Their relationship is way too good.」

Ting-hsuan bit her straw.

Didn’t answer.

「And your mom is super pretty.」

Chih-ching said, 「Last time on Parents’ Day, I saw her and she didn’t look like your mom at all.」

Ting-hsuan narrowed her eyes.

「Is that a compliment or an insult?」

「Both.」

「You looking to get hit?」

The girls burst into laughter.

After laughing, Chih-ching suddenly asked:

「What about your dad?」

Ting-hsuan thought for a moment.

「Just…… annoying.」

「What kind of annoying?」

「He has to control everything.」

She imitated her father’s tone:

「Ting-hsuan, what time are you coming home?」

「Ting-hsuan, who are you going out with?」

「Ting-hsuan, don’t you have a test tomorrow?」

「Ting-hsuan, stop looking at your phone so much.」

The other girls laughed uncontrollably.

Ting-hsuan laughed too.

But at the end of her laughter, she suddenly remembered last Friday.

The dad who usually only asked 「Where are you?」 actually asked her for the first time——

Did you have fun today?

She bit her straw and fell quiet for no reason.

Chih-ching looked at her.

「What’s wrong?」

「Nothing.」

Ting-hsuan lowered her head and stirred the ice in her drink.

「He’s been…… weird lately.」

「Weird how?」

「Suddenly acting more like a human.」

「Damn!」

The girls laughed like crazy.

Ting-hsuan laughed along.

But only she knew that after returning to her room that night, she had actually lain in bed thinking for a long time.

She had always known her dad loved her.

Never doubted it.

But before, that 「love」 was like the clock on the wall at home.

Always there.

Stable, regular, taken for granted.

Until the day he said 「I’ll worry,」 she finally heard that sound for the first time.

Turns out, some words, when said or not said, really do make a difference.

---

Afternoon PE class.

The girls sat by the basketball court chatting.

The boys were playing in teams.

Ting-hsuan originally had no interest in the game.

Until Lin Chih-ching nudged her shoulder.

「Hey.」

「What?」

「Number 12.」

Ting-hsuan looked up.

Chou Po-jui.

「So?」

「Long legs.」

「You’re crazy.」

「You don’t think so?」

「No.」

「Then why do you keep staring?」

Ting-hsuan immediately looked away.

「I’m watching the ball.」

「Where’s the ball?」

Ting-hsuan looked.

The ball was already on the other side.

「……」

Chih-ching laughed so hard she almost fell over.

「Chen Ting-hsuan, you’re done for.」

「Shut up.」

「You like him.」

Ting-hsuan denied it almost immediately.

「I do not.」

Too fast.

Fast enough that even she felt guilty.

Chih-ching stared at her.

「Really?」

「Really.」

「Then what if he starts dating another girl?」

Ting-hsuan opened her mouth.

She wanted to say it’s none of my business.

But those four words got stuck in her throat and wouldn’t come out.

She suddenly felt a bit annoyed.

「I don’t know.」

The first time a fifteen-year-old encounters something like liking someone, it’s probably like this.

No background music like in movies.

No sudden breeze.

It’s just that one day, you start paying a little more attention to one person.

Whether he came today.

Where he’s sitting.

Who he’s talking to.

What he posted on his story.

And then you have to desperately convince yourself——

I don’t like him.

---

After school, Ting-hsuan stayed in the classroom.

Next month was the school festival.

She and Chih-ching were both assigned to the class event group, discussing what to sell at the fair.

「Egg cakes.」

「No, too ordinary.」

「Waffles?」

「Who’s bringing the machine?」

「Drinks.」

「Fifteen classes are already selling drinks.」

They argued for half an hour and decided nothing.

Ting-hsuan lay sprawled across the desk.

「Might as well sell air.」

Chou Po-jui laughed from behind.

「Lowest cost.」

Ting-hsuan turned around.

「You’ve got a good business sense.」

「Thanks.」

「Not a compliment.」

A few classmates laughed again.

Later the class president suggested a lottery pairing game, and Ting-hsuan was the first to shake her head.

「So lame.」

「How is it lame?」

「Only middle schoolers do that.」

「We only graduated middle school not long ago.」

「……Shut up.」

Finally, someone suggested:

「How about an anonymous message wall?」

Everyone suddenly went quiet.

「What?」

「You can write messages to anyone, not just confessions. Could be apologies, thanks, or insults.」

Ting-hsuan immediately sat up straight.

「This works.」

Chou Po-jui nodded too.

「Sounds interesting.」

A few people started discussing how to design it.

Using sticky notes.

Different colors for different meanings.

Red for liking.

Yellow for thanks.

Blue for sorry.

White for anything you haven’t said out loud.

Hearing this, Ting-hsuan somehow thought of her parents.

Things not said out loud.

She’d been running into these words a lot lately.

---

7 p.m.

Yi-chia sent a message.

「What time are you coming home today?」

Ting-hsuan was about to reply 「I don’t know」 when her fingers paused.

She thought of her dad.

She retyped.

「Class meeting for the festival, probably home by 8.」

A few seconds later.

Mom sent a sticker.

「Okay, take your time.」

Ting-hsuan put her phone away.

Chih-ching suddenly leaned over from the side.

「Reporting in?」

「Otherwise my dad will freak out.」

「Your dad really loves you.」

「The annoying kind.」

Even as she said that,

Ting-hsuan couldn’t help but smile a little.

---

When they walked out the school gate, it was already dark.

Chih-ching took the bus first.

Ting-hsuan stood in front of the convenience store waiting for her ride.

「Chen Ting-hsuan.」

She turned around.

Chou Po-jui walked over pushing his bicycle.

「Notebook.」

Ting-hsuan froze.

「Oh right!」

She had almost forgotten.

She took it out of her bag and returned it.

「Thanks.」

「Did you understand the third problem?」

「Yeah.」

「Really?」

Ting-hsuan glared at him.

「Don’t look down on me.」

Chou Po-jui smiled a little.

「I didn’t.」

They suddenly had nothing left to say.

Fifteen-year-old silence was more awkward than an adult’s.

Wanting to stay a little longer.

But not knowing what to say.

Finally, Chou Po-jui asked first:

「Which bus are you taking?」

「307.」

「Same direction.」

「Aren’t you riding your bike?」

「Yeah.」

Quiet again.

Ting-hsuan secretly glanced at him.

The boy happened to look over at the same time.

She immediately turned to look at the bus stop sign.

Her heart suddenly raced for no reason.

The bus slowly approached in the distance.

Ting-hsuan let out a breath.

But also felt a strange sense of disappointment.

「I’m going.」

「Mm.」

She walked forward two steps.

Suddenly a voice from behind:

「Hey, Chen Ting-hsuan.」

She turned around.

Chou Po-jui stood under the streetlight.

「Next time you don’t understand math, you can ask me.」

Ting-hsuan was stunned for two seconds.

Then deliberately frowned.

「Do you think I’m stupid?」

「No.」

The boy smiled a little.

「Just think you’ll probably get called up by the teacher again.」

「Chou Po-jui!」

He got on his bike and rode off.

Ting-hsuan stood there, angry but laughing.

---

8:03 p.m.

Ting-hsuan opened the door.

The living room light was on.

Tzu-tung sat on the sofa looking at documents.

Yi-chia sat cross-legged beside him checking Okinawa hotels.

The two weren’t arguing.

Even sitting a little closer than before.

Ting-hsuan stood at the entrance, watching for a second.

Tzu-tung looked up.

「You’re back?」

She nodded.

「Mm.」

He glanced at the time.

Didn’t mention she was three minutes late.

Just asked:

「Have you eaten?」

「Yeah.」

「Mm.」

Ting-hsuan was about to go to her room.

Yi-chia suddenly called her.

「Ting-hsuan.」

「What?」

「What do you think of this hotel?」

The phone showed an oceanfront hotel in Okinawa.

Ting-hsuan walked over.

「You guys are really going?」

「Probably.」

Yi-chia said.

Ting-hsuan glanced at her dad.

Tzu-tung was flipping through documents, but the corner of his mouth held a faint smile.

She suddenly felt strange.

Very strange.

But……

not bad either.

「This one looks nice.」

She handed the phone back to her mom.

「But you two are going by yourselves?」

Yi-chia raised an eyebrow.

「Why not?」

「What about me?」

Tzu-tung finally looked up.

「Don’t you have class?」

Ting-hsuan immediately got annoyed.

「So you’re just leaving me in Taiwan?」

Yi-chia laughed.

「Aren’t high schoolers supposed to be independent?」

「It’s not the same!」

「How is it different?」

「You guys are so mean!」

Ting-hsuan protested while heading back to her room.

Before the door closed, she could still hear her mom laughing.

The corner of her own mouth couldn’t help but lift a little.

---

After showering, Ting-hsuan lay on her bed.

Music played in her earphones.

Her phone suddenly lit up.

It was the class group chat.

Everyone was still discussing the festival message wall.

Someone asked:

「What exactly are the white sticky notes for?」

Ting-hsuan looked at the message.

She thought for a moment.

Typed.

「Just the things you don’t know how to categorize, so you never say them.」

Sent.

A few seconds later.

Chou Po-jui liked it.

Ting-hsuan stared at the notification for a long time.

Then pressed her phone to her chest.

She suddenly felt a bit amused.

The adult world didn’t seem much more complicated than theirs.

Dad liked Mom but didn’t know how to say it.

Mom clearly still cared about Dad but was always angry.

And her?

She wouldn’t even admit whether she liked Chou Po-jui.

Outside the window was Taipei’s night that never truly quieted down.

Fifteen-year-old Chen Ting-hsuan lay in her room, thinking she was experiencing the most complicated emotions of her life.

She didn’t know yet——

Many years later, she would understand,

Some people aren’t silent because they don’t love.

But because they’re so used to the other person always being there,

They forget that if some words aren’t said,

The other person might really never know.

And at this moment, her life was only just beginning.

The festival, friends, the first indescribable flutter of the heart.

And that anonymous message wall about to be hung in the school.

No one knew

what the first white sticky note would say.

《End of Chapter Four》

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