A reader left a comment a couple of days ago:
"Teacher Chen Feng, I have a colleague I really dislike. Every time I see him, I get furious. But I can't turn against him—what should I do?"
"What if it's family? And even parents...."
I felt a "ding" 🛎️ of caution inside—this was a question where doing it right brings no reward, but breaking it means paying the price (Taiwanese saying)....😱😱
I thought for a moment and replied with four words: "Learn entropy reduction."
He replied: "What is entropy reduction?"
Today, let's talk about that.
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01 What you dislike isn't him, but your own internal consumption
First, a concept.
In physics, there's "The Law of Entropy Increase": the disorder of an isolated system only increases, never decreases.
What does that mean?
A clean desk will become messy after a few days, and a tidy room will fill with clutter if not cleaned.
The natural state of this world is to become increasingly chaotic.
The same applies to your inner world.
When you dislike someone, your mind is filled with images of them:
How they passed the buck again;
How they badmouthed me in front of the boss again;
How they put on an act in the meeting again.
The more you think, the angrier and more annoyed you get....😭
This is your mind undergoing "entropy increase"—negative emotions piling up until you're filled with garbage.
Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi said in "Flow": "If the mind lacks management, it falls into a state of chaos and disorder."
Disliking someone means you're projecting too much attention onto them.
Yet your attention should be used for more important things.
So the best way to dislike someone isn't to turn against them, but to practice "entropy reduction."
It's about clearing out the mental garbage and becoming clean again.
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02 Three keys to entropy reduction: Separation, Distance, Detachment
How exactly?
First, separation: Focus on your own tasks
Psychologist Adler's classic book "The Courage to Be Disliked" mentions "task separation."
It means: Everyone has their own tasks. You only need to be responsible for your own tasks and not presumptuously interfere with others' tasks.
Early in Teacher Chen Feng's career, I encountered a terrible boss.
That boss would undermine me in front of my subordinates, boss everyone around, and had no respect for others.
I disliked him greatly and once wanted to leave.
But a colleague advised me: "You're staying here because of this company—don't leave easily because of one supervisor."
At that moment, I woke up.
Right! Why should I care about him? 🤔
Why give up this job just because I dislike one person?
See, this is task separation.
The boss's poor character and habit of making things difficult for subordinates is his task.
Doing my current work well is my own task.
Later, that supervisor was eventually fired by the company's upper management due to his management style and character issues.
As for me, I stayed, gained many opportunities at the company, and harvested much growth and capability.
So please remember:
All beautiful qualities in human nature are for demanding of oneself, not as standards to measure others.
When you focus on yourself, you won't be affected by external matters.
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Second, distance: Do not intervene in others' causality
By distancing yourself, you avoid adding burden to your mind, which also achieves entropy reduction.
On one hand, you need psychological distance—mental detachment.
When you dislike someone and can't stand certain behaviors, you might subconsciously want to criticize them or tell them what's right.
But doing so, they won't appreciate you and might even hold a grudge.
Therefore, establish your own boundaries mentally.
Do not intervene in others' causality and respect their fate.
On the other hand, maintain physical distance.
David Pollay in "The Law of the Garbage Truck" says: "There are many people in this world like garbage trucks—they drive around filled with garbage. As the garbage piles higher, they need somewhere to dump it. If you give them the chance, they'll dump it all on you."
So when someone wants to dump garbage near you, never accept it.
Instead, physically distance yourself from them.
(Questions about family? Scroll down the homepage to previous related articles and other reader questions—won't expand here 🙏)
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Third, detachment: Make yourself stronger
When you haven't succeeded yet, you always encounter all kinds of people around you—full of petty schemes and bad habits, and somehow they're all aimed at you.
Once you succeed, strangely, everyone around you is good, greeting you with smiles. 😅
Often, we meet unpleasant people because we're in the same low dimension, proving we're in a bad environment.
What to do?
You can't pin your hopes on others—you must grow upward, keep learning, improve cognition and ability, raise the ceiling of your life, and move to a more worthy place and higher-dimensional circle.
When your cognitive level differs, looking back allows dimensional reduction strikes.
These issues are no longer problems for you at that point.
"The Monkey's Bottom Theory" puts it well:
Everyone's journey is like a monkey climbing a tree.
At the bottom, all you see looking up are monkey bottoms—no one gives you a good face. When you climb high and look down, all you see are smiling faces.
When we meet disliked people, don't expect to change them—the only thing you can change is yourself.
So quietly build your strength and create distance from them.
When you truly become strong, even the backs of disliked people will disappear.
As they say in Taiwanese: Can't even see my taillights....🚘
(Is that Taiwanese? Whatever～～ This is entropy increase! Really bad 😆).
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Finally, to summarize:
Disliking someone doesn't require turning against them—the best method is entropy reduction.
How exactly?
Separation—Focus on your own tasks.
Distance—Do not intervene in others' causality.
Detachment—Make yourself strong.
When you achieve these three—
You'll find that those you once disliked can no longer affect you.
Not because they changed, but because you ascended dimensions.
Blessings to everyone who made it here.
(End of article)