Classic New Translation of The Carnal Prayer Mat, Chapter Six

The next day, Weiyangsheng ran to the calligraphy and painting shop and spent a fortune on an exquisite album of erotic paintings. The album was said to be an authentic work by Zhao Mengfu of the Yuan dynasty, comprising thirty-six paintings, echoing the classical allusion from Tang poetry: “All thirty-six palaces are filled with spring.” He took it home, intending to examine it closely with Yuxiang so she would understand that the arts of lovemaking were not inventions of his own, but practices already established by the sages of antiquity; now, with the personal brushwork of Duke Wenmin of Zhao as proof, it was irrefutable evidence.

When he first brought it back, Yuxiang did not know what kind of album it was and casually opened it. The first two pages bore the four large characters “Remnants of the Han Palace.” Yuxiang thought that since the Han dynasty inner palace had many virtuous consorts and gentle ladies, the paintings must depict portraits of ancient virtuous women, and she would see what they looked like. When she turned to the third page, she was startled to see a naked man embracing a naked woman as they coupled on a rockery! Yuxiang’s face flushed crimson; shame and anger mingled as she scolded, “Where did you get such filthy, inauspicious things? You’ve sullied the purity of our bedchamber! Quick, tell the maid to throw it into the stove and burn it!”

Weiyangsheng seized her hand and stopped her. “This is a priceless antique worth a hundred taels of silver! I borrowed it from a friend to appreciate. If you can afford to pay a hundred taels, do as you please and burn it; if not, leave it here properly and let me enjoy it for a day or two before returning it.”

Yuxiang said crossly, “What use is keeping such indecent, vulgar stuff?”

Weiyangsheng replied, “My wife is mistaken! If it were truly indecent, why would the painter have labored over it? Why would collectors have paid heavy sums for it? Precisely because this is the most upright and glorious matter since the beginning of heaven and earth, successive generations of literati have depicted it with exquisite brushwork, mounted it on fine silks, circulated it in bookshops and galleries, and stored it in famous studios—so that later generations may follow and emulate it. If not, the principles of yin-yang union would gradually be lost; people would not know the ways of congress, leading husbands to abandon wives and wives to resent husbands. The great Way of heaven and earth’s ceaseless creation would be utterly destroyed, and in the end the world would become extinct! I borrowed it today not only for my own pleasure, but so that my wife may grasp the wondrous principle of heaven and earth’s harmony, conceive smoothly, and bear children—without being delayed by my father-in-law’s pedantic Confucianism and ending up childless. Why are you angry for no reason?”

Yuxiang sneered, “I don’t believe such acts are proper! If they were, why did the ancients who set the rules not let people do them openly in broad daylight before everyone? Why must it wait until deep in the night, done secretly like thieves? From this alone, one can see it is nothing honorable!”

Weiyangsheng burst into laughter. “If that’s what you think, then it’s not your fault at all—it’s your rigid old father’s! He locked you away in the inner chambers since childhood with not a single woman versed in romance around, leaving you so ignorant and inexperienced. Think: which proper couple in the world does not make love in broad daylight? It is only natural and proper! If couples never undressed to make love by day, how could the painters of these albums have known all these positions and techniques? How could they have portrayed the expressions of passion so vividly that one glance sets desire aflame?”

Yuxiang retorted, “Then why do my parents never do such things during the day?”

Weiyangsheng asked, “How do you know they don’t?”

Yuxiang said, “If they did, how could I not have stumbled upon it? I am sixteen and have never once seen it—nor even heard the slightest sound!”

Weiyangsheng smiled. “What an innocent little wife! Such bedroom secrets are most carefully hidden from children. Besides the children who must not see, which maid or old servant has not seen or heard? When elders wish to act by day, they first make sure you are not nearby, then bolt the door before undressing and mounting the bed. They fear that if you, a young lady of the inner chambers, should see it, your spring heart would be stirred and you would fall into lovesickness! That is why they kept it from you so thoroughly.”

Yuxiang lowered her head in thought, then murmured, “They do often close the door for a midday nap… perhaps they truly are doing it… but it is still too embarrassing. In broad daylight, staring at each other, how could one assume such postures?”

Weiyangsheng smiled. “You do not know, my wife: making love by day is more than ten times more delightful than at night! The supreme pleasure lies precisely in ‘I see you, you see me’—gazes meeting, passion entwining, most arousing of all. There are only two kinds of couples who absolutely cannot do this in broad daylight.”

Yuxiang asked curiously, “Which two?”

Weiyangsheng said, “An ugly husband with a beautiful wife is one; an ugly wife with a handsome husband is the other.”

Yuxiang asked again, “Why can these two types not do it by day?”

Weiyangsheng leaned closer to explain: “This amorous pleasure depends entirely on mutual love and admiration, spirit and essence blending, to reach the marrow. If a wife is snow-skinned and flower-fair, delicate and fresh as carved jade, when the husband strips her bare and holds her, feasting his eyes while thrusting and pleasing her, his excitement naturally multiplies tenfold, and his member grows hard, thick, and large without his noticing. But if she looks closely and sees her man resembling a night-fork demon, his skin dark and rough—hidden when clothed, but fully exposed when naked—and compares it to her own snow-white, tender flesh, his ugliness appears twelvefold worse! Seeing her disgust, how could she not feel revulsion? Her face shows annoyance; the man, seeing his wife disdain him, feels his once-stiff, thick cock soften and shrink without his noticing. Instead of pleasure, he suffers humiliation!”

“Thus such couples can only act in pitch darkness to hide their flaws. This is the case of a beautiful wife with an ugly husband. The same logic applies to a handsome husband with an ugly wife, so no need to elaborate. But for a couple like us—white flesh against white flesh, fair face against fair face, tender against tender—if we do not seek joy in broad daylight and display this snow-white skin, but instead always hide in dark bedding, would we not waste this heaven-bestowed beauty? How would we differ from those ugly couples? If you do not believe me, let us try it now and see how it compares to fumbling in the dark at night!”

After hearing this, Yuxiang could not help but feel moved. Though her lips still refused, her heart had already softened halfway. Her cheeks flushed pink, and the corners of her eyes and brows quietly revealed spring passion.

Weiyangsheng saw this and knew the moment had come. He was about to pounce, but then thought: “Her desire has only just awakened; her thirst has not yet reached the marrow. If I rush now, it would be like a starving man devouring food in one gulp without savoring any flavor—hardly the ultimate pleasure. Let me tease her further, draw out her fire completely, then share the clouds and rain with her!”

He pulled over a spacious, sturdy rosewood armchair, sat down grandly, drew Yuxiang into his lap, opened the erotic album, and pointed to the figures, explaining each painting to her in detail.

This album differed greatly from ordinary erotic prints: each painting’s first half was a meticulous brushwork scene, the second half an inscription by a famous hand. The first part of the inscription explained the copulatory posture depicted; the latter extolled the painter’s marvelous ingenuity. Weiyangsheng had her observe while inwardly imagining the expressions and postures of the figures in the paintings, so she could imitate them later. Holding his lovely wife, he read the inscriptions aloud word by word:

“The first painting is called ‘The Pose of Releasing the Butterfly to Seek Fragrance.’ The inscription reads: ‘The woman sits high upon a Taihu rock, legs spread wide. The man, holding a jade duster, probes into her jade gate, searching left and right for the vital flower heart. At this moment both are engaged in foreplay, not yet entering the supreme realm; thus their brows are relaxed and their expressions and movements differ little from usual.’

The second painting is called ‘The Pose of Teaching the Bee to Brew Honey.’ The inscription reads: ‘The woman lies supine upon brocade cushions, hands braced firmly, hips raised high in the air, offering her yin gate to the jade stem so the man may locate the flower heart and avoid blind thrusting. At this moment the woman’s expression shows unbearable hunger, the man’s face a trace of panic; viewers cannot help but feel anxious for them—this is the painter’s stroke of ingenious creation.’

The third painting is called ‘The Pose of the Lost Bird Returning to the Forest.’ The inscription reads: ‘The woman reclines sideways upon an embroidered couch, feet raised high toward the heavens, both hands tightly gripping the man’s thighs, using the leverage to thrust downward. Though they appear to have entered the realm of bliss, they still fear losing its subtlety; both are exerting effort together, spirits radiant, souls swaying—truly the marvel of brush moving like dragon and snake, ink dancing in flight.’

The fourth painting is called ‘The Pose of the Hungry Horse Rushing to the Trough.’ The inscription reads: ‘The woman lies flat on the couch, both hands tightly embracing the man’s back as if bound by ropes. The man hoists her feet onto his shoulders, the jade stem fully sheathed in her yin without the slightest gap. At this moment both are at the brink of release; eyes half-closed, half-open, tongues half-withdrawn, half-extended, their faces wearing the same soul-melting expression—truly a masterpiece of divine craftsmanship.’

The fifth painting is called ‘The Pose of Two Dragons Wearying Each Other.’ The inscription reads: ‘The woman’s head rests upon the pillow, her entire body limp as silk; the man’s head also droops upon her neck, lying prone upon her equally limp. This is the state after clouds disperse and rain ceases, essence spent. Her fragrant soul seems to drift away, beautiful dreams gradually approach, showing the transition from utmost motion to utmost stillness. Yet her pair of jade feet have not yet descended, still resting askew in the crook of his arm, preserving a thread of spring vitality. Were it not so, the painting would resemble a pair of corpses struck dead, leading the viewer to contemplate sharing coffin and grave, life and death together.’”

Leaning in her husband’s embrace, listening and watching, Yuxiang’s belly was already in turmoil by this point; a wave of lustful fire surged straight to her head.

Weiyangsheng was about to turn to the sixth painting when Yuxiang could endure no longer. She pushed the album away, leapt to her feet, panting, “What filthy book! It makes one’s whole body restless and uncomfortable… Get up and look at it yourself; I’m going to sleep!”

Weiyangsheng pulled her back into his arms and laughed, “There is still much wonderful scenery ahead; after we finish, we shall rest together.”

Yuxiang twisted her body. “Is there no tomorrow? Must we finish it all today?”

Weiyangsheng knew she was already burning with desire. He turned her lovely face and kissed her fragrant lips. In ordinary times, if Weiyangsheng offered his tongue, Yuxiang would have clenched her teeth shut; to make her extend her clove-like little tongue would have been wishful thinking. Married a full month, Weiyangsheng had not even known whether his wife’s tongue was long or short.

Yet this time, as their lips met, Yuxiang’s warm, soft, slippery fragrant tongue slipped through her teeth of its own accord and actively entered Weiyangsheng’s mouth!

Weiyangsheng rejoiced and teased in her ear, “My darling, let us not even move to the bed; let this armchair serve as the Taihu rock, and we shall imitate and perform the first painting in the album—how about it?”

Yuxiang half-pushed, half-yielded, feigning anger. “In broad daylight… this is not something humans do!”

Weiyangsheng laughed. “Wife speaks truly—this is not the deed of mortals, but the supreme bliss of immortals! Let us, you and I, be living immortals for a moment!”