Chihiro Amamiya’s last argument with Yosuke Kamiki was on the night of Tokyo’s first snowfall.
That day she had cooked oden.
Yosuke said he would be back at eight; she started waiting from seven-thirty.
At nine-thirteen the door finally opened.
“I’m home.”
Chihiro did not answer.
Yosuke took off his coat and glanced at the table.
“You haven’t eaten?”
“Waiting for you.”
“Didn’t I tell you not to wait?”
Chihiro looked up.
“You said you’d be back at eight.”
“Emergency meeting.”
“Where’s your phone?”
“What?”
“Did your phone break?”
Yosuke frowned.
He knew that tone too well.
“Chihiro, I’m exhausted today.”
“So?”
“Don’t start a fight the moment I get home.”
Chihiro gave a small smile.
“So I’m the one starting the fight.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“That’s exactly what you meant.”
Yosuke closed his eyes.
“Fine, I was wrong. Happy now?”
That sentence completely enraged her.
“I hate it when you do that.”
“What now?”
“What do you mean ‘I was wrong, happy now?’ You don’t even know why I’m angry.”
“Because I came home late.”
“No!”
“Then what?”
“Because I’ve been waiting for you!”
Yosuke raised his voice too.
“I never asked you to wait!”
The room suddenly fell silent.
The oden on the table was still steaming.
Chihiro looked at him and said nothing for a long time.
“Fine.”
She stood up.
“I won’t wait anymore.”
Twenty-three-year-old Chihiro Amamiya was not like this.
Back then she and Yosuke Kamiki would argue about anything.
The first time they went to Kamakura together, Yosuke got the train schedule wrong and they missed the last train.
Chihiro scolded him the whole way.
“Didn’t you say you checked?”
“I really did.”
“Then why was it wrong?”
“I looked at the weekday timetable.”
“Yosuke Kamiki, are you an idiot?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Don’t brush me off!”
She turned and walked away.
Yosuke chased after her.
“Chihiro Amamiya!”
“Don’t follow me!”
“Your wallet is with me!”
She stopped.
Yosuke caught up, panting, and pulled her into his arms.
“Still running?”
“Let go.”
“No.”
“I’m still angry.”
“Then be angry.”
“I’ll be angry for a long time.”
“Then I’ll hold you longer.”
In the end Chihiro leaned against his chest and laughed.
When they were young they were never afraid of arguing.
Because no matter who slammed the door first, the other would always chase after them.
They didn’t know when it started, but they stopped chasing.
The year she turned twenty-seven, it was Chihiro’s birthday.
Yosuke forgot.
A little after eleven at night he came home and finally saw the cake on the table.
He froze.
“Today is…”
“Mm.”
“I’m sorry.”
Chihiro kept scrolling on her phone.
“It’s fine.”
“Really, I’m sorry. The case has been too busy lately.”
“I said it’s fine.”
Yosuke stood there for a while.
“The way you’re acting clearly means it’s not fine.”
She suddenly looked up.
“Then what do you want me to do?”
“At least don’t be passive-aggressive.”
“I waited until eleven for you to say happy birthday, and now you’re complaining I’m being passive-aggressive?”
“I already apologized.”
“So because you apologized, I have to stop feeling hurt right away?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You always do this!”
“Don’t drag ‘always’ into everything!”
In the end no one ate the cake.
At two in the morning Chihiro lay in bed crying.
Yosuke slept in the living room.
She had actually been waiting the whole time.
Waiting for the door to open.
Waiting for him to come in.
To hug her from behind like before.
But he didn’t.
The next morning when she went out she saw him curled up asleep on the sofa.
In that moment she suddenly felt sad too.
Because she knew he didn’t stop loving her.
He was just tired.
And so was she.
They began using the harshest words on the person they loved most.
“Can’t you be more mature?”
“You weren’t like this before.”
“People change.”
“So I’m the one who stayed in the same place?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then what exactly are you saying?”
It was always like this.
He said one sentence.
She shot back another.
Both tried to prove they were the more wronged one.
But neither remembered they had only wanted a hug from the other.
The year he turned thirty, Yosuke got a position at a large architecture firm in Osaka.
The salary was good.
It was also the kind of project he had always wanted.
He placed the offer letter in front of Chihiro.
“I want to go.”
Chihiro stared at it for a long time.
“For how long?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“If things go well, I might stay in Osaka.”
She looked up.
“What about me?”
Yosuke was silent.
Those few seconds made her heart turn cold.
“You never thought about me at all.”
“How could I not have thought about you?”
“Then tell me, what did you think about?”
“We could do long distance.”
“And then?”
“We’ll figure it out later.”
Chihiro laughed.
“Again with ‘later.’”
“Do you have to be like this?”
“Like what?”
“Every time we talk about reality you think I don’t love you.”
She stood up.
“Do you love me?”
Yosuke got angry too.
“It’s been seven years. Why are you still asking this?”
“Answer me!”
“I do!”
He almost shouted.
“I love you! But I can’t give up everything just because I love you!”
Chihiro froze.
Yosuke froze too.
The words couldn’t be taken back.
She asked quietly, “When did I ever ask you to give up everything?”
“Aren’t you asking me to stay right now?”
“I’m not.”
“Then what do you want?”
Chihiro’s eyes turned red.
“I want you to want to stay on your own.”
Yosuke said nothing.
She suddenly started crying.
“I don’t want to have to beg you every time.”
“Chihiro.”
“Before, when I ran away, you would chase me.”
She looked at him.
“Now even if I really left, would you not come after me?”
“Don’t compare the past with now.”
Those words were light.
But they became the final blow.
A month later Yosuke went to Osaka.
They didn’t break up right away.
At first they called every day.
Later it became every other day.
Eventually even the calls started turning into arguments.
“Why didn’t you answer yesterday?”
“I was at a business dinner.”
“Couldn’t you just text?”
“Chihiro, I don’t have the energy to report in every day.”
“I only asked one question.”
“But every sentence from you ends up becoming a fight.”
She fell silent.
“So now you even find talking to me tiring.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Forget it.”
“See? There it is again.”
“What?”
“‘Forget it,’ ‘It’s fine,’ ‘Whatever.’ Those are always your three lines.”
Chihiro suddenly laughed.
“Because when I used to say everything, you said I wasn’t mature.”
There was no sound on the other end.
She wiped away her tears.
“So I learned.”
That was their last argument.
A week later Yosuke sent a message.
“Are we both just tired?”
Chihiro looked at it all evening.
Finally she replied.
“Yeah.”
Neither of them said the word breakup.
But they both knew it was over.
Four years later Chihiro was thirty-four.
A friend told her Yosuke Kamiki was still in Osaka.
Not married.
She only nodded.
“Oh.”
The friend asked, “Do you still love him?”
Chihiro thought for a while.
“I don’t know.”
“What if he came back?”
She smiled.
“He won’t.”
It wasn’t that Yosuke wouldn’t come back.
It was that those two people could never go back.
The twenty-three-year-old Yosuke Kamiki would chase her through the streets of Kamakura.
The twenty-three-year-old Chihiro Amamiya would deliberately walk slower, waiting for him to catch up.
Later they both thought they had become mature.
They learned not to press for answers.
They learned not to wait.
They learned to say “It’s fine.”
They learned to tell themselves in lonely moments that everyone has their own dreams.
It wasn’t until many years later that Chihiro understood that maturity was never about no longer needing anyone.
True maturity was finally being able to admit that she had also been wrong back then.
She had hoped too much that Yosuke would guess what she meant.
Yosuke had grown too used to waiting for her to explain clearly.
When she said “Go ahead and leave,” what she really wanted to hear was “I’m not leaving.”
When he said “I’m tired,” what he really wanted to say was probably just “Can we not argue today? I just want to hold you.”
But neither of them translated it.
That winter Tokyo snowed again.
While organizing her closet Chihiro found an old blanket.
She suddenly remembered the winter when she was twenty-three.
The two of them couldn’t afford heating and huddled under the covers.
She tucked her cold feet between Yosuke’s legs.
“It’s freezing.”
“Then don’t run away.”
“Where could I run to?”
He pulled her close.
“Chihiro Amamiya, even if you chase me away I won’t leave.”
She had truly believed it back then.
Chihiro hugged the blanket and suddenly smiled.
But tears fell.
It wasn’t because she still wanted to get him back.
It was because only today did she understand that some promises, the moment they were spoken, were truly not lies.
It was just that life afterward was too long.
Long enough that two people who once feared losing each other finally learned to let go.
Love did not return.
Yosuke Kamiki did not return either.
But all those arguments, embraces, tears, apologies, and the nights when they said “I’ll never talk to you again” but secretly moved closer to each other—those were all real.
If they had said one less harsh word back then, would they still be together?
If after one of those fights someone had reached out first?
Chihiro didn’t know.
She only knew that in this lifetime, meeting someone who once made her so afraid of losing them, so desperate to be understood, so willing to cry and love and argue without caring about dignity—
Even if they didn’t walk to the end together—
She could not deny that love because of it.
Because having once loved each other so deeply was already very rare.
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