《Can't Go Back: The Vegetarian Dishes I Can No Longer Taste, and the Meal I Owe My Parents》
Some restaurants aren't bad,
they're just forever frozen in a certain year, a certain photo, an afternoon outing with family.
I used to think the restaurant would always be there, and I could go another day.
Later I realized, the "another day" we so often say in life might truly never come.
What I miss most about 棗子樹 was the buffet; later it switched to à la carte. The vegetarian hot pot at 三媽臭臭鍋 that was always hard to get—I still remember that flavor. The cheese sticks paired with a big cup of iced green tea near the information library weren't Michelin-star cuisine, yet looking back now, they feel more vivid than any fancy afternoon tea.
And then there's 鳳凰樹.
The whole family would go together; a set meal was about 170 NT$ per person. What I remember most is the vegetarian eel rice.
Now I think, what is 170 NT$?
What’s truly expensive is—
Even if I take out another 170 NT$, I can never buy back that day.
Can't go back.
---
I eat more expensively than my parents; only now do I understand "drink water, think of the source"
When young, it's easy to think parents are supposed to take care of you.
The fridge is stocked, someone asks if you've eaten when you get home, they cover living expenses when money runs short, home is the first place you think of when trouble hits.
Even after growing up, I still act like the "giant baby."
I act spoiled.
I throw tantrums.
I talk back.
I find my parents naggy.
As the eldest daughter, I should be mature, reliable, look after my siblings, and share the load with my parents—but my life never followed that script.
I'm the eldest daughter who loves to act spoiled and has a bit of a temper.
Sometimes I'll gladly spend two or three hundred, even four or five hundred on a meal out; yet I notice my parents' meals are often much simpler.
In that moment I suddenly wonder:
"Am I unfilial?"
Instead of punishing myself with "unfilial," I want to turn this guilt into action.
Because "drink water, think of the source" isn't kneeling before your parents every day saying "sorry."
True gratitude means finally realizing:
Someone once saved the best for me, letting me believe life was always this comfortable.
---
《Eldest Daughter’s Voice｜The Eldest Daughter’s Voice》
I cannot directly imitate Taylor Swift’s unique songwriting style, but I can offer an original bilingual chorus with narrative pop, eldest-daughter confession, and a nostalgic youth feel:
Chinese Chorus
> 我是那個長不大的長女，嘴硬卻最怕你們老去
把全世界的壞脾氣，留給最愛我的你
如果時間願意倒轉，我不要再急著逃離
這一次換我站在門口說——
爸、媽，晚餐我買，你們只管開心。
English Chorus
> I'm the eldest girl who never learned to say goodbye,
Acting strong while I'm still scared of watching you grow old.
I gave my worst days to the ones who loved me most,
So if time gives me one more road back home,
I'll say, “Mom and Dad, tonight is on me—
just stay, eat slowly, and let yourselves be loved.”
---
If I've ever hurt my parents, I want to repay them slowly with 20 small acts
I know an apology isn't a single "sorry" that magically erases every wound.
Especially when parents endure their child's backtalk, coldness, complaints, or even the emotional storms of their lowest moments—those hurts don't simply vanish because of the words "I'm your daughter."
So what I want to do is:
1. Treat my parents to a meal they truly enjoy once a month.
2. Before buying something for myself, consider whether my parents need anything.
3. Be less impatient; listen until they finish what they’re saying.
4. When parents struggle with phone features, don't mock them—teach patiently.
5. Offer to take walks with them.
6. Occasionally take nice photos of them.
7. Organize old family photos.
8. Remember what they like to eat.
9. Accompany them back to places they once lived.
10. On their birthdays, not only give red envelopes but spend quality time together.
11. Share household expenses when able.
12. Help handle small household troubles instead of leaving everything to parents.
13. Stop automatically unloading my worst moods on family.
14. Be the first to speak after an argument.
15. Ask more often: "Is there anything I can help with today?"
16. Do things they enjoy, not just what I enjoy.
17. Take good care of myself to ease their worries.
18. Occasionally tell them directly: "Thank you for raising me."
19. Express love without waiting for holidays.
20. While we can still sit at the same table, eat together properly.
---
If I can support my parents, these are the 20 things I most want to do for their happiness
I once needed family care during a difficult time when my health was poor.
So now I understand that "supporting parents" isn't just about how much money I send each month.
If I have the means, I want to:
1. Give my parents a regular living allowance.
2. Take them to restaurants they once couldn't afford.
3. Take them on short trips around Taiwan.
4. Plan comfortable family trips without rushed schedules.
5. Replace furniture at home that’s truly worn out.
6. Buy a comfortable bed for my parents.
7. Add warm bedding in winter.
8. Keep the house cool and comfortable in summer.
9. Accompany them to routine health check-ups.
10. Go with them to medical appointments and help organize questions and documents.
11. Help cover necessary living and care expenses.
12. Take them to vegetarian restaurants to rebuild our family's shared taste memories.
13. Revisit the places where we once ate at 鳳凰樹 and 棗子樹.
14. Create a photo album titled "Restaurants Our Family Has Eaten At."
15. Take one formal family portrait every year.
16. When parents want to learn something new, learn it with them.
17. Respect their own lifestyle; don't use "filial piety" to control them.
18. Let them know they can comfortably tell me when they need money or help.
19. Not only provide material support but also sit down and chat.
20. Most importantly—let them know that just as they once caught me when I fell, I am now willing to catch them.
---
The eldest daughter grows up and realizes her parents are only ordinary people
I used to enjoy the comfort of being the giant baby.
Even now I sometimes still want to be one.
Coming home and acting spoiled: "Mom~~ I'm hungry."
Getting scolded and pulling a long face.
If Dad says something I don't like, I might fire back ten sentences.
That's me.
I don't want to suddenly paint myself as the flawless daughter from a twenty-four filial exemplars story, because I'm not.
I have a temper, flaws, and have hurt the people closest to me.
Yet the cruelest part of growing up is probably the sudden realization one day:
Parents won't stay forever in their forties or fifties.
Those restaurants will close.
Familiar streets will be redeveloped.
The 170-NT$ set meal will disappear.
That iced green tea, that plate of cheese sticks, that bowl of vegetarian hot pot may only remain as low-resolution photos on a phone.
And the people we once thought would always be there are growing older year by year.
So now I cherish the most ordinary things.
The family sitting down to eat together.
Dad complaining about this and that.
Mom asking where I went today.
Me acting spoiled again.
Everyone bantering.
Then heading home.
I used to think this life was too ordinary to write about.
Only now do I understand—
Being able to eat together in an ordinary way is itself an extravagant happiness.
I'm still the spoiled eldest daughter.
My temper may not have improved much.
Occasionally willful, occasionally childish, occasionally spending more than my parents.
But I'm learning to enjoy my own life while remembering to look back at the two people who raised me.
Not out of fear of being called unfilial.
But because I've finally understood four words:
Drink water, think of the source.
棗子樹 can't be returned to.
三媽's flavor may never be the same.
Cheese sticks with iced green tea have become a memory of youth.
The 170-NT$ vegetarian eel rice at 鳳凰樹 with the whole family now lives only in photos.
Only after the restaurants closed did I learn to miss them.
I hope one day I won't wait until more important things in life also "close" before I learn to cherish them.
Some flavors are most fragrant when they stay in memory.
Some people need to be loved well while they're still by your side.
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