🌿【Not Losing, Just Taking a Different Path】I Regret Missing Travels, Exhibitions, and Relationships, and I've Relearned to Put Myself Back at the Center of My Life
Sometimes the hardest part of life isn't "not getting it," but having an opportunity right in front of you and choosing to walk away because of fear, spite, emotions, or temporary discomfort. Only after it's over do you start thinking: "What if I had gone then?" "Did I push the opportunity away myself?" "Dad said the chance is gone, does that really mean it won't come back?" 🥺🌙
Recently, I've been feeling this way.
Tomorrow there's a travel shoot, capturing sexy ancient costumes, cute styles, sexy fashion, and wedding dresses. 👘🎀🖤👰🏻♀️
If you think about it from another angle, it's actually not a small thing. For someone who loves photography, modeling, and social content creation, one shoot can leave behind many different style works, and can also become future IG posts, short videos, portfolios, and collaboration materials.
So I started telling myself: Don't just look at "what I missed," but also look at "what I still have in my hands now." 📷✨
During Ghost Festival, with only 500 yuan left, going to Sun Moon Town for a simple walk, eating some vegetarian food, taking photos, and enjoying the breeze might not be bad either. Travel doesn't have to cost a lot of money to be called travel; sometimes an afternoon, a drink, a photo, or a quiet path is enough to let the heart breathe again. (｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡
But I still feel regret.
I regret not joining the village chief group tour because of fear or spite; there was also a chance to be an exhibition guest, but I didn't go in the end. Looking back now, those things do feel a bit of a pity.
Dad said: "The opportunity is gone."
Those words are harsh, but they also remind me: Some opportunities really are time-sensitive.
But "missing out" doesn't equal "life failure."
I used to easily see relationships as wins and losses.
If someone doesn't like me, did I lose?
If someone shows off a luxury brand, does that mean she's more successful?
If someone has many friends around, does that mean I'm being excluded?
If I block someone, does that mean I lost?
Now I want to slowly change this way of thinking.
Blocking on social platforms isn't a war. 🚫
Blocking someone who makes you uncomfortable doesn't mean anyone wins or loses.
What really makes people tired is after blocking, still thinking: "Does she think she won?" "Will she laugh at me behind my back?" "Should I unblock to prove I'm not afraid?"
If my attention is still all on the other person, then even if I blocked them, my heart is actually still being led by them.
So what I want to learn more now is:
"What you think is your business; how I live is my business." 🌱
As for other people's relationships, marriages, luxury brands, or friend circles, I don't want to casually label anyone as "fraud" or other tags either. Without evidence, don't jump to conclusions.
I can dislike certain behaviors and choose to stay away from certain relationships, but I don't need to turn every interpersonal conflict into a trial.
I also used to feel excited when my fans increased.
From one thousand slowly rising to nearly three thousand, and even accumulating hundreds of thousands of views on fan articles in the past, they were all precious social records. 📱✨
But later, because of fandom, relationships, online public opinion, and some fan-related matters, knots slowly formed in my heart.
So I deleted many articles.
Looking back now, I don't have to define that experience as "failure."
Maybe it was just me telling myself:
"I want to change the way I operate."
In the future, less controversy, more life.
Less proving myself, more works.
Less chasing others' attention, more of my own photography, vegetarianism, slow living, beauty, travel, Buddhism, and humor. 🌿📷🍱🪷😂
I can admit I have charm and that some people like me.
But I don't need to prove I'm a "heartthrob."
True stable confidence isn't:
"Everyone must like me."
But rather:
"It's good that some people like me; even if some don't, I can still live well." ❤️
As for what I said about "I chose purity, yet still reincarnate," now I have a new understanding too.
Choosing purity doesn't mean life will have no troubles from now on.
Believing in Buddhism doesn't mean I won't regret, get angry, feel jealous, or be stubborn, nor does it mean every choice will bring the most beautiful result.
Practice isn't about turning yourself into someone without emotions.
It's about when emotions come, not letting them make decisions for your whole life.
If I regret today, admit the regret.
If I missed out today, admit the miss.
If I don't want to contact someone today, keep the distance.
Tomorrow there's still a travel shoot, so finish the works properly.
With 500 yuan, go where I can afford.
Cherish the connections that can stay; learn to let go of those that can't.
Life doesn't mean you have to catch every bus. 🚉🌙
Some buses missed are regrets.
Some buses not taken are because at that time, I wasn't ready yet.
And most importantly—
When the next bus comes, I hope I won't just keep looking back.
Tomorrow, just put on clothes, fix makeup and hair, and pick up the camera. 👘📷✨
Sexy can be confidence, cute can be childlike heart, wedding dress can be a work.
No need to prove anything to any girl.
No need to compare who has more sisters with anyone.
No need to compare luxury brands with anyone.
No need to use fan count to prove my value.
And no need to prove I won through "who I blocked."
My life isn't a boxing ring.
What I really want to win is yesterday's self who was trapped in regret.
Walk slowly, shoot slowly, live slowly.
Bring the heart back.
Leave the stage for myself, and leave space for others too.
🌸 Finally, a Buddhist reminder for myself:
"What happened yesterday cannot be pursued; today's heart must settle; don't compete with others for superiority, only wish to have one less attachment and one more compassion each day." 🪷
( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈ )♡
(｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡
🌿📷🎀👘🪷✨
#NoguchiKonomi #SlowLifeDiary #FemaleConfidence #PhotographyModel #BuddhistLifestyle